The Squirrels Almost Burned My House Down

A story from Rachel Regier, dramatically retold by Laura Thiessen

I don't know how I made any friends in college. I had anti-squirrel propaganda up all over my walls. And if anyone was brave enough to take my personality for a test-run, the first thing they found out was...there was a story behind the anti-squirrel propaganda.

One day when I was eight years old, I came home from school to an empty house. I hadn't been home for long when I started to hear noises coming from the ceiling. There was scurrying and scuffling, and every now and then, a thud. I wasn't brave enough to open the door to the attic, which was in my bedroom. In fact, I wasn't even brave enough to stay upright. I hid under the bed and called my Mom. Within a few short hours the culprits were caught. Two rather large and menacing squirrels were removed from our attic and their entrance was sealed.

Now whether he found a new hole, or had been hiding out in the attic while his family members were "removed" is still a question. But within a few days, the scuffling returned. Help was called in and the attic door in my bedroom ceiling was once again opened. But when the door was opened, there was not a passive sweet little squirrel waiting. A huge, hissing squirrel stood with teeth bared and talons stretched, ready to launch itself at the executors of his dear ones.

You can imagine what kind of impression this left on me.

And the story doesn't end there.

Seven years later I innocently ran back and forth on the tennis courts in the heat of summer, enjoying one of my favorite activities. When the fire engines raced past I didn't think anything of it. Lots of grass fires start in the hot Kansas summer. Before long a car sped into the parking lot and darted between parked cars, pulling short in front of the tennis courts and a breathless man said, "You'd better get home, girl!" I tossed my racquet in the bag and took off for home. I could not at that moment guess what awaited me.

The front lawn was black and the side of the house, scorched. Firefighters stood wrapping up their hoses and surveying the wall for smoke and heat. My Mom ran down the front steps with tears on her cheeks and said, "Oh honey it's okay. It's not as bad as it looks. The squirrels almost burned down our house!" And so they had. A firefighter explained to me later that squirrels had been jumping on the wires from the power poles and had jumped and chewed so much that the wires fell into the dry grass and started a fire. I could just imagine the nasty little critters fiendishly eyeing my house and taking turns jumping up and down on the wires, waiting for them to snap...knowing that when they did, the house would be downwind of the sparking, snaking wires.

For years afterward I noticed headlines stating, "Squirrels Cause Power Failure" and "Wire Damage Caused by Squirrels" and was certain that when we removed those first two squirrels from our attic, we had declared war. Now, if I wanted friends badly enough I'd say I know they didn't do it intentionally...how could they? Those fuzzy, sweet, little hopping rodents.