Fear, Tension, Pain

Monday night was Derek and my first childbirth education class in a series of six. I hate to admit it, but I have been, as long as I can remember, petrified of giving birth. Not in general, but for myself. I fear the pain of labor and delivery more than almost anything else I can think of...except maybe dropping and breaking my camera in the middle of a big job. I know it is not rational because I cannot tell you what horrible thing I think is going to happen or why. I can't think beyond the fear to some rational conclusion like, "It's going to hurt because my blood will clot and I will die". I don't have any fears of anything unusual or dangerous happening. No, this fear is more like, "It's going to hurt! I can't do it! I won't do it!"

In our class the teacher talked about the "Fear Cycle", which goes like this: You fear the pain, tense up (which allows less oxygen to your muscles), and makes the pain more painful (and last longer), which leads to higher levels of fear, which leads to more tension, etc. etc.

Noting this cycle, and relating it to past experiences dealing with my needle phobia, helped me feel much more confident about giving birth to a child. In the past I have clenched my fist when the nurse says to, but I have a horrible time trying to relax my fist when they ask me to release it. When I relax my hand, there's usually less bruising. And when I am able to talk (read: breathe) through the needle, I am much more likely to be able to release my fist.

I guess I'm still scared of the pain, but with five more weeks of class, and a husband who is very good at keeping me focused, I am beginning to form more rational expectations about the pain of childbirth. Perhaps I've even begun to drop off the last part of that exclamation and only say, "It's going to hurt!"