Being Mom

I am a Mom now. When I gave birth Luke was born, but so was I. I was born into motherhood. I was embarassed by how much I cried the first few days that Luke was home. At the time I blamed it on hormones, but it wasn't entirely hormones. It was the new range of emotions that comes with being a mom. I suppose not everyone experiences motherhood exactly the way I do, but loving a child does leave you vulnerable to tearfulness - in joy and sorrow.

I was listening to this song by Sara Groves again last night as I was trying to soothe Luke after he got startled. When he's sobbing he snuggles his nose into my neck and sniffles and rubs his eyes and grabs my shirt or my neck. I don't love that he is scared, but I love to comfort him. I put this CD in and bounced on the exercise ball and hugged Luke and he quieted down.

When this song came on I couldn't help but cry and when Luke looked up at me with a big pouty lip my maternal (fine, call it hormonal) emotions just about blew a gasket. The first time I heard this song I laughed. Now it makes me cry. I want wonderful things for Luke. I know that holding him close and smelling his baby hair for the rest of his life wouldn't be good for him. But I'm going to miss him when he goes away and I already grieve for those times. I am glad that my Mom and I are close. I hope Luke stays close to his Mom too.

I'm having trouble uploading the song. I made a slideshow and layered it. I spent all morning putting it together, but it's not loading. So you get this cheesy little video of Luke sitting in his exersaucer with the song playing on the stereo.