Lying Awake

Photos: A family picture on Derek's lunch break. Whoa, I am having some big hair!

Once again I found myself lying awake at night while my husband snored and baby slept soundly. This time, instead of making an escape plan for when the house catches fire (because it's inevitable when you're lying in the dark at 11 o'clock at night), I am making an escape plan for when I drive the car into a deep body of water (also seems inevitable. How can anyone avoid that?).

I was panicking as I realized how difficult it would be to get the carseat out of the passenger's side door, not just because it's awkward and heavy. But if we were underwater already I would have to swim around the car, open the door, and hoist the carseat out. And I don't know if the carseat is bouyant. Why do I not know if the carseat floats?! This seems like a key selling feature that I didn't look into thoroughly enough.

Okay, swimming around the car is going to lose us precious seconds. Not to mention flooding the interior of the car immediately. So I have to climb over the seat and drag the carseat out the driver's side door. No, too easy to lose the carseat when the water rushes back in over me as I open the door. I'll have to push it out in front of me, which means lifting it over myself in the cramped backseat. Hm. Maybe I will quickly unsnap the buckles and just carry the baby. Even if the carseat floats, it may float upside-down accidentally, or be filled with water when it's right-side up.

So the best technique would be to climb over the seat, unbuckle the baby, kick open the driver's side back door and swim for it. But what if the water is turbulent? How do I make sure I don't lose hold of the baby? I will have to zip the baby into my jacket or put him under my shirt. And as soon as we get above water I will hold him above me and kick my way to shore. Hold a 20lb baby above my head? No. I will float him on his back like they teach lifeguards to do.

And what if it's winter and we go under the ice? Then what? And how long can babies hold their breath? What if we've already sunk so deep that the pressure of the water won't allow me to open the door? Or what if we're too deep to make it to the surface without air?

OH NO. What if I'm unconscious when we hit the water? What if I'm loopy, out of it, incoherent?! The baby is STRAPPED INTO that seat. He can't save himself.

This is the point where I had to slap myself and say, "This kind of thing happens to a very small percentage of people. Your baby is not strapped into a non-bouyant carseat sinking into a turbulent, ridiculously deep and cold body of water with an unconscious mother in the front seat. He is asleep, above sea level, in the next room under a warm, dry blanket. And you should be asleep too!"

Sometimes I wish my brain were wired to the lights and would go off when the room gets dark. Because when my brain is on and the lights are off, we go to strange and scary places.